written by Paul Schneider
NO DRAFT EDITION OR DATE GIVEN
revised pages dated July 19, 20, 21, 22, 1966
report & analysis by Dave Eversole
Two major bits of business did not make it
to air, and a couple small items were also not implemented.
The Romulan Commander is described as gray and weathered, so I think they may have originally been thinking of someone older than the 39-year-old Mark Lenard.
The Romulan Commander wears an all-white uniform to differentiate him from his crew.
The Centurion is described as having a bad limp, and a much-scarred face.
Major bits: Ever wonder why Stiles suddenly decided there just had to be Romulan spies onboard (even before he saw that they looked like Spock). Well, we are told why this suspicion is on his mind in a bit of dialogue from Outpost Four Commander Hanson and in the original conception of what the Bird of Prey would look like.
In the script, after Hanson turns his viewscreen on so the Enterprise can tie in and see what he is seeing, we get this:
INSERT - SHIP'S VIEWING SCREEN
The attacking vessel can now be seen definitely to be some modified version of a starship saucer main section... but with the dark markings on its underside which suggests a bird-of-prey with half-spread wings. And centered there is a threatening-looking "weapon tube" device. We see it in full size only momentarily... then it launches a torpedo-like bolt of blinding energy from the weapons tube.
You see it, Enterprise?! Starship
design. Warn Earth...
... espionage, stolen our designs... traitors...
Then later, before the reveal of the Romulans, Kirk and Stiles' exchange in the script is:
... and in a vessel remarkably similar
to ours. The Outpost Commander
mentioned "espionage." Add to that
the fact it was a sneak attack...
Are you questioning my orders,
Negative, sir. I'm pointing out that
we don't even know what the
Romulans look like, maybe just like
us. We could have Romulans aboard
our own ship.
The biggest difference between the script and the aired episode is with the character of Decius. In the script he is overtly gunning for the Commander, hoping to usurp his authority even more than in the aired episode. This exchange was omitted. In the script, it occurs just before the scene on the Enterprise bridge when Rand enters and asks Kirk if she should continue making log entries.
INT. ROMULAN SHIP'S BRIDGE - COMMANDER AND CENTURION
The Centurion lies on the Commander's couch - and we can tell he is badly
injured. The Commander sits nearby, tending to him... The Commander gently lifts
the Centurion's head, and tries to get him to drink a medicine. He tries, but
turns from it, gagging with pain.
My chest. I cannot swallow.
The Commander looks worriedly at him - then lowers his head back onto the
pillow-like armrest of the couch... Decius approaches the Commander.... His eyes
glitter and he bows with eager respectfulness.
Commander, I know now why you
were honored with leadership!
Our mission is all we hoped!
The Praetor will be pleased!
(looks up at him - coldly)
His joy warms my life.
How they tried to flee! - like a
field creature from a hunting
bird. A happy sight --
May your Praetor have his wish
The Commander whirls, dismisses Decius with a scornful gesture. The young officer's face freezes hard. He bows curtly, turns on his heels to exit... Painfully, his breath rasping in his throat, the Centurion reaches out for the Commander's arm.
Be wise, good friend... see the
danger where it lies.
The Centurion is suddenly gripped with pain... gritting his teeth not to show his anguish. Gently, the Commander tries to comfort him.
Just before the Romulan Commander destroys
his ship, Kirk salutes him. The Commander responds with a stiffly-precise small bow.
The older bald man who works with Angela and Tomlinson is named FIELDS. The younger is named BRENNER.
The book that Kirk refers to in the briefing is called: "TABLE OF COMETS: Galaxy Quadrant YX-12-114."
The Romulan bridge is described as a "cockpit," with the Romulan crew belted into chairs before their consoles. The script calls for them to be ripped from their restraints and slammed all about during the final battle.
The rest is pretty much as was filmed.
PAUL SCHNEIDER: a television writer whose career spanned 1952 to 1988. During those years he wrote for The Big Valley, The F. B. I., Eight Is Enough and Buck Rogers In The 25th Century. For Star Trek, he penned several scripts that were ultimately not used, but did sell two all-time classic episodes, "Balance of Terror" and "The Squire of Gothos." For the animated Star Trek series, he wrote "The Terratin Incident."
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