written by Adrian Spies
FINAL DRAFT, dated August 12, 1966
report & analysis by David Eversole
It is the same as what aired, but totally
Same sets, locations, scenes, story, but the dialogue is about 80% different from what aired. We do learn that Janice Rand is 24 years old, and she seems to be thinking of requesting a transfer off the Enterprise.
The kids play many more games, and the "Fat Little Boy" has an expanded role, and we see more of the "paternal/maternal" instincts of the older kids as they take care of the younger ones.
Spies has the most awful writing style. He breaks his dialogue with very long parenthetical action bits instead of writing the stage directions and narrative on separate lines as is most standard, and is crazy about "wrylys."
A "wryly" is a parenthetical that tells the actor how to deliver a line, i.e.
I will say this line with a wry inflection.
I am happy!
I am angry at you, Kevin Wryly!
I'm sad that Janice didn't fix me butter on wry bread.
Wrylys are a major NO-NO. Actors don't need them if you have written the dialogue well. Only occasionally might you need one, e. g. if a character says "Go to hell" to his best buddy he could be joking.
Here's an actual example from the script itself. After Janice panics, she screams that there is nothing McCoy can do to save them, then dashes out of the building. Kirk follows.
EXT. STREET IN FRONT OF GOVERNMENT LABORATORY - DAY
Janice is facing the CAMERA. She has just stopped running. Her strength is sapped... tears streaming down her face. Kirk runs toward her from the building... reaches her.
Janice's hysteria is over -- she speaks as though from a great fatigue, the giving-in to the strain she has been under, the almost-acceptance of the awful things closing in.
(not looking at him)
Captain, I really didn't
want to do that --
(a half whisper)
It's so stupid, such a waste...
(turning to him)
Sir, do you know
all I can think about?...
(shaking her head,
disapproving of her own
My age, the fact that I've...
only had twenty-four years of
(another shake of
her head - wistful)
Twenty-four, sir, and
I'm a --
(a slight smile)
- little older, Yeoman... I'm --
(a beat, then
gently but firmly)
But not enough to give up...
(after a pause)
Janice is making a very big effort to pull herself together. She tries to stand in a correct, military way. But, at the same time, tears start coming, quietly.
When we get back, sir... put in
for a dry-eyed Yeoman...
Are you applying for transfer,
Janice tries to smile -- she can't make it. Kirk puts an arm around her -- it's meant as a human, comforting gesture.
See what I mean by Spies' excessive use of
wrylys? It's hard to read the dialogue without them intruding. The actions and gestures
really should have went in the narrative/stage directions. Even so, the actors (especially
stage-trained Shatner) would have surely known how to play such a scene without Spies' down-to-every-last gesture directing of them on paper.
Anyway, Spies has a freaking wryly in every
damn line, and it gets old fast just reading it. I'm sure the actors just went through and
crossed them all out.
There's still no explanation for "Another Earth." I think Spies (pronounced "Spees") was just trying to be "Sci-Fiey."
ADRIAN SPIES (1920-1998): Reporter and feature writer for The New York Mirror; later became a television writer, who specialized in writing for crime drama series. Over the course of forty years (1949-1989), he penned episodes for Climax!, The Untouchables, Felony Squad, Hawaii Five-O and In The Heat of The Night, as well as several made-for-television films. "Miri" was his only script for Star Trek.
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