written by Gene Roddenberry
REVISED DRAFT, dated November 20, 1964
report & analysis by David Eversole
Other than the captain being named JAMES
WINTER, this draft is about 99.5% filmed as written. Hardly a single change. Easily
understandable, it was written by Gene Roddenberry--who is gonna script edit "The
Great Bird?" The "Vina as an Orion Slave Woman" scene is a bit different,
and there are one or two extra lines in the briefing scene that Number One holds (nothing
important, just more speculation by Spock on how powerful the Talosians may be).
This 74-page script is very narrative heavy--everything is described and explained. Again, very understandable, it was setting the scene, describing the Trek universe for the first time.
It is noted that Spock's limp and the bandages on the various crewmembers are a result of the recent battle on Rigel VII, thus laying to rest all the speculation that Leonard Nimoy was limping because of a real life accident.
The Orion Slave Woman scene as scripted:
... he must wonder what it would be
like to forget all that.
EXT. ORION COURTYARD - NIGHT - MATCHING WINTER
The transition catching him still seated. He's startled by the SOUND of strange music and wild merriment. He is now on a pillowed floor at a long low table piled high with exotic foods. His attire is rich silk robes, almost like those of an Oriental potentate. And he becomes aware he is being anxiously attended, even fawned upon, by two who have something of the "slave" in their garb and manner. Their skin has a color like Mr. Spock.
SPACE OFFICER'S VOICE
You used to be Captain of the Enterprise,
CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal the speaker is a uniformed space officer (not from the Enterprise) seated at the table. The other man is an Earth trader dressed similar to Winter but less luxuriously. Each of these men is being served by a slave woman. Around all this, a scene of barbaric splendor with an almost Oriental flavor. The MUSIC comes from a quartet seated near a fountain pool, playing unusual instruments. Here and there in the courtyard are richly exotic plants with unusual shapes.
Matter of fact he was. Used to stop
here now and then...
(smiles at Winter)
...and then send Earth
a blistering report...
"The Orion traders are taking shocking
advantage of the natives..."
Good-natured laughter interrupting this.
Do any of you have a green one? They're
dangerous, I hear. Razor claws, and
they attract a man like a sensation of
Winter is perceptibly startled by the familiar term: "Irresistible hunger". And why had Space Officer emphasized the words, and why is he giving Winter that searching look? The Earth Trader is also giving Winter a knowing look. He indicates Winter to the Space Officer.
Now and then comes a man who
(to Space Officer)
He'd stumbled into this dark corridor,
and then he saw flickering light ahead.
Almost like secret dreams a bored
ship captain might have, wasn't it?
There she was, holding a torch,
Aware now the Talosians are definitely baiting him thru the images of these two men, Winter angrily rises. But his female servant is in his path. And in b.g., the male servant has moved to sound a NOTE on a hanging cymbal.
Get out of my way, blast you!
The MUSIC changes now -- louder, a slow throbbing rhythm. Winter's attention is attracted by an exclamation of astonishment from the seated space officer. He turns to see:
ANGLE - VINA
Wild! Green skin, glistening as if oiled. Her fingertips are long gleaming razor-edged scimitars, her hair not unattractive but suggesting a wild animal mane. She is moving out to the open rectangle in front of the table, eyes wild. We feel she's larger than before, immensely strong. The female slaves have hurried off, frightened. But one is slower and Vina suddenly pivots with a CAT SOUND, bars a frightened female slave's escape. Winter's male servant has grabbed a whip, leaps out to intercede and Vina turns, snarling at him. The man slave swings back to lash at her.
Vina turns at the voice, eyes WINTER for a long moment.
CLOSE SHOT - WINTER
returning the look, fascinated.
ANGLE - VINA
Now, her gaze riveted on WINTER, she moves to the center of the rectangle, lets the slow-powerful beat of the MUSIC reach her, the slow surging beat forcing movement out of her as a reed flute takes possession of a cobra. She SHRIEKS (dubbed wild animal cry) and the rhythm moves faster, her movements following the barbaric MUSIC.
CLOSE SHOT - WINTER
unable to tear his eyes from her.
ANGLE - VINA
Now dancing wildly, animal beautiful.
as the Earth Trader looks up toward Winter, again meaningfully:
Wouldn't you say that's worth a
Space Officer turns to eye Winter similarly.
It makes you believe she could be
anything. Suppose, you had all of
space to choose from, and this was
only one small sample of...
Winter tears himself from these words, turns and brushes past his retainers, hurrying into the exit door behind.
The rest is exactly as was shot.
GENE RODDENBERRY (Eugene Wesley Roddenberry)
(1921-1991): Prolific television writer of the 1950s, who created and produced The
Lieutenant, Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation. Pilots he
produced and had a hand in writing which did not get picked up for a series run include Police
Story, Genesis II, Planet Earth, The Questor Tapes and Spectre.
Since his death, many series based on his "notes" have been produced. He wrote a
Writers Guild Award winning script--"Helen of Abajinian"--for the series Have
For Star Trek, he wrote: "The Cage," "Mudd's Women" (Story), "Charlie X" (Story), "The Menagerie," "The Return of The Archons" (Story), "Bread and Circuses" (Story), "A Private Little War" (Story by Jud Crucis (Don Ingalls)), "The Omega Glory," "Assignment: Earth" (Co-Story), and "The Savage Curtain" (w/Arthur Heinemann). For Star Trek: The Next Generation, he wrote "Encounter At Farpoint" (with D.C. Fontana), "Hide and Q" and "Datalore." More on the life and work of Gene Roddenberry can be found at this website.
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